Soundtracksforthem

I have this habit of waking up when sunrise is just around the corner. The tiniest sound – some selfish bastard kicking a can down the street a mile away, or the drunks in the alley finishing the night off, tired but still loud and brash; the girls bitching and fighting, the boys fighting, then laughing as they swing out of the trees on the main street while as they make their way home and I’m awake. It’s like this every weekend. Thursday to Monday. Fuck, every night – Tuesday and Wednesday too.

I shouldn’t complain, I’m in their shoes half the time, making my own way to the place I call home, drunk as all hell, in full voice with my heart pinned firmly to my sleeve.

The other half of the time (like now) I’m lying awake listening to this cacophony, willing myself into unconsciousness, tossing and turning, cursing and hoping this sleeplessness will come to an end soon.

Inevitably I give up. I drag myself from the mattress and stumble through the semi- darkness to the fridge, swearing aloud as I stub my toe on the door jam, or kick over the bucket collecting the rain that streams ceaselessly from the roof in the hallway, or stumble up the steps to the kitchen, hearing grumbles from the other rooms as my restlessness has a knock on effect on my flatmates. I need a beer.

Not technically.

I need the comfort of sitting barely conscious, watching the sky brighten through the half open sash window that separates me from the world passing by, four stories below, hustle and bustle growing louder as those lucky bastards with regular sleeping patterns rise at an appropriate time and, clutching take away coffee cups and umbrellas scramble for their busses where they collapse in a conjugal sweaty mess, ready for the days graft ahead. All the same, all different.

I go back to bed around eight forty five (I’m not going to work like this.)

On the way I pour the now warm can down the sink, full except for maybe three mouthfuls taken from the top, my head clearer but still not alright. Fucking traffic now. Beep Beep. Shut the fuck up, you’re only going to get as far as the next traffic light. This city is infectious- it gets inside my head and for that reason I love it but hate it at the same time.

A love/ hate relationship-

As soon as I’m finished falling in love with her, she breaks my heart again and I hate her again, it’s reciprocal and ever repeating.